omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
