Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
