And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
