My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
