I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
