There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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