Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
