Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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