I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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