is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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