Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
