I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
