dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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