SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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