Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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