Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am available for nakedness
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
