Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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