Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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