Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
