I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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