Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
