There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
