apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
