wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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