My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
