Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My liver just broke up with me...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
