Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
