I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
