don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
