I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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