I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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