i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
