I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
