I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
