she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
