my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
