What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Someone came in the potted fern
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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