I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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