I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize