This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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