you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
