So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
