I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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