Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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