Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i think i just lost a toe
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