Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
