I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
