so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
