yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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