this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
