one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
