Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
