My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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