god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
