I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
