Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize