there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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