During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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