It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
