I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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