His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize