the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
