Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
