I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize