Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
