Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
