Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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