matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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