her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
