How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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