Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
