Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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