I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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