I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
