i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
