If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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