So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
