the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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