where does the pee come out of this thing
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
