this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
