how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
