New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
