dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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