I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
