So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
