someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
