I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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