Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
