I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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