Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
