He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize