I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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