well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
