It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Barsexuality is the new black.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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