I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
