Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize