im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
