I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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