She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize