pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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