I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize