Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
