Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize