just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
