Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
