just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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