Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
