Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
