a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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