I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
