when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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