I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
